Don'tcha Wish Your Stalker Was Creepy Like Mine?!

Apparently I have acquired a stalker/creeper. High five me! Not.

Got a weird bunch of texts from some dude who claims we met in Kentucky one time at a local bar and now he's moved here, doesn't have a place to stay, wants to get a place with me, and for me to lend him money. Riiiiiight. I really wish I was joking, but I'm not. What is my life?!

Needless to say, I'm a bit freaked out right now. Besides the whole actually having some weirdo who did this, it's ruined my sense of security, which, lemme tell you, is a nice thing to have. I'm going to the local police department tomorrow to find out about submitting a complaint or getting a restraining order. I don't mess around!

So, in order to make myself feel safer, I've taken to bringing my tiny pocketknife with me everywhere. In my purse, on my runs, etc.

It's my intention to make myself look as ugs as possible for all you fine folks.

Mister Pocketknife and I have been best friends since I did my internships in Kentucky. That knife has cut many bales of hay and straw open, whittled wood, and sliced my fingers a few times. We're tight. As tight as one can be with a knife. Ninja style.

Mister Knife don't mess. He gots 2 blades! Hi-ya bad guys!

So enough weirdo talk, let's look at some yum-yums! This is the best pork dinner you will ever have. I tell no lies.

Get in my belly!

The recipe for the delicious pork is called "Pork Chops and Apples" (very creative, I know) from the Hollyhocks & Radishes (1993) cookbook.

4 porkchops, 3/4-1" thick
5 baking apples, pared, cored, and sliced
1 onion, thinly sliced
salt and pepper
3 Tbsp butter
3 Tbsp flour
12 oz beer
paprika

1. Preheat oven to 350*.
2. Trim any fat from porkchops. Layer apples, onions, and chops (in that order) in a well-buttered, 10" casserole, at least 2" deep. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
3. Melt the butter in a small saucepan. Whisk in flour and cook over medium heat for a minute, stirring. Add beer all at once, and stir constantly until thickened. Pour over chops. Sprinkle with paprika. Bake, uncovered for 1.5 hours.

Seriously kids, this meal is amazing and will impress impressionable people. Do it!